DEATH AND REBIRTH

Dissolving Again and Again Into Something New

I haven’t reached out much this year. A series of unexpected events stripped me down to my core, and I’ve been on a deep personal journey to re-ground. Losing our home to the fire was only one of several momentous events that shook me and my family in unforeseeable ways. Each day brings another ripple—often catapulting me into a portal of existential questioning.

With the loss of everything came a strange, boundless bliss—a kind of weightless freedom. But soon after, the underbelly revealed itself: fear. Fear of settling back into life as it was—a life I suddenly have no desire to return to. Fear that the career I was building might be falling apart—or that I’m being asked to release it altogether and chart an entirely new path. Fear that something as simple as buying a new piece of clothing could quickly drag me into the heavy energetics of materialism our culture so eagerly promotes. Fear of environmental crisis, of the political mess and the injustice that ensues. The list goes on . . .

Perhaps you can relate to some of this?? 

And yet, every inquiry, every unraveling, has brought me back home. Not to a physical structure, but to the home within. And the message is clear. I have to use my energy to help out in the ways that I know how, and I do that by helping people move big emotions with what I call journey design.

I haven’t hosted many breathwork sessions this year, but I recently revisited Arc 1 that I co-created as Infinite Crescendo and heard a line that struck me more deeply than before.

"I am programmed to continually hit the shore of my own limitation, and dissolve into something new. I am the ocean. Dissolving, again and again, into something new."


This has become a daily mantra. I believe it was inspired by something I read in the Gene Keys, but I can’t remember exactly where. It’s helped me alchemize what has felt like relentless crashing waves—from something violent and exhausting into something purifying and life-giving.

Have you ever created something that later revealed a deeper or entirely new meaning? Art is funny that way.

I love discovering yet another quiet miracle of art: the longer I commit to my creative practice, the more old expressions become new invitations—calling me back to my soul.

This year, I’ve been making music with friends—soundscapes that give voice to the emotions I’ve been able to touch in this liminal space. The music is different from the Arcs I created with Paul as Infinite Crescendo, but it feels honest and true to where I am now.

Thank you to the incredibly talented musicians that brought my ideas to life - Dane Sandborg, Dylan Grombacher, Nico Maldonado, Susi Piñeda, Michael Brenner,  Spencer Hinkle, Blake Mcleod, and Germaine van der Sanden.

I have chosen the Rituel Nature Refuge to debut my newest music—born from the ashes of losing my home in the Palisades Fire—because this land, too, rests within the burn zone. This will be a unique inner journey deepened by the medicinal essences of plants, artfully blended by Leanne Hirsh of Perfumera Curandera, and supported by herbal rest beds curated by Eve Gaines of Rituel—to invite deep communion, relaxation, and release. Together, we can feel the vibrant regrowth rising from the scorched mountaintop, a living reflection of resilience. I will be introducing a new, more contemplative style of journeying—an offering to help us and integrate the shifts many of us are experiencing. 

 ABOUT RITUEL

melted metal object found in the ashes

I am mesmerized by the textures of the burnt sections of drywall that I found in the ashes. In the I see landscapes of the infinite portals that death and destruction also open us up to. How do we allow ourselves to dissolve again and again into something new?